Communication and trust are critical for families who thrive in the long term. Unexpected or unpleasant revelations in an estate plan are a quick way to familial unrest.

Estate planning for business owners is especially complex, as their significant illiquid assets often result in a large estate tax liability and require sophisticated planning to successfully transfer ownership. Moreover, after the death of an owner-operator, not only is there ownership succession, but there is also succession in the management of the company that can make planning even more complicated and evoke strong emotions within the family. While a majority of private business owners have an estate plan, many of them have not been completely open and transparent about those plans with the next generation.

Reasons for this lack of communication can include:

• Wanting to be sure the plan is right before sharing it 
• Feeling unprepared to answer questions likely to come up in discussions 
• Struggling to find the “right” time to discuss the plan 
• Feeling unsure how to initiate the conversation 
• Not wanting to demotivate their family

Communication and trust are critical to preserving family wealth and values. To help families open these important lines of communication, we examine the top five reasons business owners report for failing to communicate their plans and provide actionable advice on how to overcome these common hurdles.

1. But the plan’s not perfect yet

Let’s start with the most significant reason business owners don’t share their plans: Many fear that the plan might not be right. This concern underscores the business owner’s own discomfort with the plan. If the plan does not feel right, it might be time to revisit the underlying values and purposes that motivated the planning and whether the plan is in alignment with what you care most about.

Too often, estate planning starts with how to create a tax-efficient result, instead of what the family would like to accomplish and why. Knowing the “why” – or said differently, the values – that underpin planning is critical to creating a plan that meets a family’s objectives and allows for long-term success.

Business owners often spend time thinking about the company’s values, or mission, which often intersect with the family’s values. If estate planning did not start with a conversation grounded in the family’s values and the business’s mission, then it might be the source of uneasiness with the plan and time to revisit the underpinnings of the planning.

If the plan does appear to accomplish your purposes and is in alignment with your values, then it might be the right plan for the time being. There is always an opportunity to revise and finetune the parts of your estate plan that are revocable. Just because the plan might change in the future does not mean you should not begin communicating it.

Unlike the dramatic scenes in the movies, there should be no big, all-inclusive family summit when the entire plan is revealed (resulting in shock and awe). The best communication plans are layered, starting with smaller amounts of age-appropriate information and building from there. With young adults, begin with the information that you are most comfortable communicating.

For example, it might be most approachable to start with the parts of the plan that are irrevocable (e.g., a trust created for grandchildren’s education) or the philanthropic elements (e.g., a family foundation or donor-advised fund).

In addition, you don’t have to tell everyone the same thing at the same time. Maturity and life experience should be taken into consideration. Before delivering any information, consider how your audience will receive it, how it might make them feel, and the questions they might have.

2. But I’m not ready

Some owners have not communicated their estate plans because they feel unprepared to answer questions likely to come up in discussions. First off, you are not required to share anything that you are not ready to discuss. Know your limits and how much information you want to share before starting the conversation.

If faced with an inquiry you are unprepared for or just don’t want to answer, you may simply say: “I’m not quite ready to discuss that with you, but I will someday,” or “I am still working on my plans, and I’m not sure.” One client might tell her children: “I’m not going to tell you that because I don’t think you need to know, and I’m concerned about how it would change your thinking.” Prepare an answer that feels right to you.

Questions that arise in these conversations often provide insight into what your children and others are thinking. Another possible response to a tricky question is: “That is a great question. Why do you ask?” By uncovering the motivation for the question, you can embark on a productive conversation.

With adults, you may ask more sophisticated questions, such as: “How do you think the answer will change your perspective?” You will certainly learn something valuable and perhaps what prompted them to ask in the first place. Having a few prepared responses in your back pocket can make these conversations less scary.

3. But it’s not the right time

Owners might feel as though it’s never the right time to talk about estate planning. This is understandable, as procrastinating is a natural response when faced with difficult or complex conversations. “Present-centric thinking,” as BBH Senior Wealth Planner Ross Bruch describes it, causes us to push aside these discussions “because we believe they are better left for ‘later.’” When we think about our future self as a distinct person from our current self, we often overcommit or fail to plan ahead.

It is easy to see why it would be preferable to promise that a future self will start the conversation about estate planning when the time is “right”; however, even if it is not elegant, it is critical to have the conversation while you are able to.

Too many heirs learn about their parents’ or grandparents’ planning from an advisor. Not sharing your planning decisions deprives your descendants of the opportunity to ask questions and for you to share the reasoning behind your decisions.

Often when left to guess about the donor’s intention, beneficiaries make bad assumptions. For example, “Dad left my brother in charge of the business because he trusted him (or loved him) more than me.” The ramifications of these mistaken assumptions often lead to bad feelings between siblings or cousins, sometimes strained relationships, and even litigation.

4. But I don’t know how to start

Some business owners don’t know how to initiate a conversation about estate planning. Set aside time for these conversations in an appropriate setting. It is tempting to want to use family vacations or holidays for this purpose, but before asking everyone to leave the beach for a meeting about estate planning, consider whether your audience has the appetite and attention for this type of conversation during a festive family gathering. In most cases, they don’t.

Consider using Zoom to start the conversation rather than waiting for the perfect in-person moment. Surprisingly, some family meetings are more comfortable and effective virtually, as participants are in their own homes or offices and can take the time they need before asking questions or engaging in conversation. In addition, each person has exactly the same amount of space and presence on the screen, so virtual meetings can level the playing field for those who might have a bigger presence or take up more space in person.

Do less, not more, when discussing complex issues. When gathering a group of family members for an important conversation or family meeting, it is tempting to put a lot on the agenda. However, discussing challenging or emotionally charged topics, especially for the first time, calls for a simple agenda – for example, focus on just one topic, and keep it between 30 and 60 minutes.

Instead of covering the entire plan, the balance sheet, the current state of the business, and the succession plan in a marathon day-long meeting, create a plan for layering the communication plan over an extended period of time. This allows you to check in with participants after each gathering so that you might understand how the plan is being received, what questions are arising, and if there are side conversations happening.

Rely on your advisors to help you create a communication plan. Estate planning does not end when the ink on the documents is dry: Your estate planning counsel or financial advisor should help you create understandable charts and easy-to-read summaries that will help you describe your intentions and values, as well as the trusts and other vehicles that you have created.

The next step is to spend some time thinking about what will be most important to your children to know now and how they might react to the information you have to share. Their current life circumstances, as well as how they experienced and understood decisions about wealth during developmental years, will affect their reactions. Spending time in advance putting yourself in their shoes might help you sidestep any potential issues and anticipate questions.

5. But I don’t want them to be unmotivated

Sometimes, business owners are concerned about demotivating their family members by providing more information about their assets and planning.

First, remember that a lot of financial information is available publicly. The internet is full of personal financial information for inquiring minds to access. For business-owning families, there might be information available about the value of the business or its economic impact on the community. Sharing information is more likely to correct false assumptions rather than provide beneficiaries with the feeling that they will receive an unexpected windfall.

Second, motivation comes from multiple sources, and the cause of long-term motivation to work and achieve is often derived from an alignment between one’s goals and values. It is easier for someone to stay motivated if they can understand why their actions matter and see how their activities align with how they view themselves in the world.

In other words, communicating about the family wealth and planning might run the risk of demotivating children or grandchildren if they feel like nothing they do matters. In her book “A Wealth of Possibilities,” BBH Senior Advisor Ellen Perry discusses “shrinking the big shadow” of family wealth, legacy, and success.

When a family runs a successful business, it often casts a big shadow that can subsume the aspirations, dreams, and interests of the next generation, as they might be seen as stewards of the family’s business, philanthropy, and legacy. In these conversations about carefully considered plans, it is important to respect children and other next generation members not only as recipients of information and perhaps wealth, but also as independent beings who have a responsibility to reach their own full potential.

Conclusion: Good communication enables successful estate planning

Discussing your estate plan with family members can be daunting; however, these strategies can help business owners and their families overcome these communication barriers. Knowing the underlying values of your plan and business, the limits of what you’re ready to discuss, and how and when to initiate the different stages of conversations is essential. Communication about wealth, planning, and values will help your family build a foundation of trust and cooperation, which will foster family harmony for years to come.