For many of the next generation, adulthood brings more than just independence – it brings complexity. The transition from child to peer within a family system shaped by legacy, expectations, and wealth is not automatic. At our recent Next Generation Summit, Managing Director Mike McGrann joined Partner Kathryn George to discuss three essential principles to guide that journey. Here are some key takeaways from their conversation.

Embrace ‘peership’ with your parents

The first – and perhaps most transformative – step is to focus on becoming peers with your parents. “Peership” doesn’t mean abandoning respect or hierarchy. Your parents will always be your parents, and there is still a familial hierarchy of parent and child. But this doesn’t mean you can’t interact as equals – peership is about finding the balance between the two. Embracing peership establishes a relationship of mutual respect, where your voice carries weight and your choices are honored.

Becoming peers is a choice: Parents must choose to treat their adult children as equals, and young adults must see themselves as such. It is also important to note that peership is not about entitlement (as we often say, voice does not equal vote), but rather about maturity, dialogue, and shared respect.

Build an independent identity

The second principle is to cultivate a sense of self that is independent of your family’s name, assets, or expectations.

This means pursuing passions that are truly yours, taking risks, and making decisions that reflect your values – not just your family’s. Whether it’s launching a venture, pursuing a creative path, or engaging in philanthropy, your identity should be rooted in purpose. Focusing on what you are passionate about beyond the family business and legacy can cultivate independence.

As for parents, allowing your children to explore their passions and not be restricted to following in the prior generation’s footsteps fosters trust and lays the groundwork for a healthy relationship.

Define and communicate boundaries

In families where business, legacy, and personal life often intertwine, ambiguity can breed tension. That’s why it’s essential to define what you need as an adult and communicate it clearly. This includes financial boundaries (e.g., what you will and won’t accept support for), emotional boundaries (e.g., how you want to be treated), and relational boundaries (e.g., how decisions are made).

As the next generation ages and enters adulthood, these conversations evolve over time. An agreement for, and expectation of, full financial support at age 18 can and should be renegotiated as circumstances change. These conversations are not always easy, but they are necessary.

As a parent, it’s essential to acknowledge and understand the path your children are traveling into adulthood and that it’s as challenging for them as it is for you.

All parents have fears that money might negatively affect their children, but you must recognize that fear and engage in productive dialogue about it. Any time we take a fear and inject it into a relationship, we oftentimes get out of it exactly the thing we are scared of.

And you should never use wealth to control your children. When they are 4 years old, you get to make all the decisions. But when they are 24, it’s time to stop using wealth to control the decisions your children are making and time to start treating them as independent individuals and peers.

Final thoughts

Wealth is never just about money. It’s intimately intertwined with relationships – between generations, between values, and between expectations. The goal is not to avoid this comingling, but to embrace it and have authentic, real, empathetic, and vulnerable conversations. And within those vulnerable conversations, there is peership and trust. That’s the goal for families.

By stepping into peership, building your own identity, and setting clear boundaries, you don’t just navigate family dynamics, you set yourself up for healthy, long-lasting relationships.