I have a great team around me. Being a good business owner means knowing what you're good at and what you’re not so good at. It is OK to hire people to work on the areas where you don’t excel as much.

Let’s jump into prenuptial agreements. What are some common myths or misconceptions about prenups?

One common misconception is that prenups are only for ultra-high-net-worth individuals. They're not. More people are starting their own business and don't necessarily have a high net worth yet but want to make sure that the business is protected.

Another common misconception is that you must have financial disclosure. In New York, for example, prenups are valid if they're in writing and signed by both parties with a specific form of acknowledgment. There is also no requirement for them to be signed a specific time in advance of the wedding. It is best practice and advisable to have full and complete financial disclosure and finalize the prenup well in advance, but these are not requirements.

What's your advice for how to start the conversation about a prenup with a partner?

First, for parents, don’t wait until your child has a partner to bring up the prenup topic, because then it will feel like you don't trust their partner. Make it clear to your children that it's not about any specific person but is instead an important planning tool for the family. For people who have several children, this should be a normal family conversation that doesn't feel pointed.

Then, for people talking to their partner, do it as early as possible – well before you get engaged! When things get serious, it's good to bring up the prenup as part of the process of getting engaged and married.

Once you are engaged, start the formal process as early as possible. The times where I've seen it go the worst are when the prenup comes as a complete shock, and it’s a month before the wedding, and the partner is opposed to it and presented with a fully drafted agreement.

Don’t start out with a 40-page agreement you drafted with your lawyer without any input or discussion from your partner. We always have each party get a lawyer, and then we collaborate and start at the beginning with the terms.

You also need to think through how your partner is going to feel about this and help them understand that it isn’t just about protecting personal wealth – it’s about making sure both parties feel protected. It needs to be a balanced conversation, not a one-sided decision, and there should be protection for both sides in the agreement.

What are some strategies that you use to get through difficult situations where one side may be stuck?

I see this all the time, often where someone has been handed a prenup they had no say in, and I try to explain to my client that it is not just a “take it or leave it” deal. Instead of jumping in and editing the big file, we usually go back to the basics and have a conversation about what is the law, what you can and can’t do in a prenup, and concerns on each side and how we balance those. We need to talk about some of these more basic principles before we get started.

It takes more time than people expect. We need to make sure that the document addresses all scenarios down the road. These pre-drafted agreements rarely do that.

When is having a prenup most advisable?

It is most advisable for business owners who have complicated interests, people with significant trusts or inheritances or who have generated significant wealth, people who do not want the default state law to apply, and people who are entering second marriages and have children from previous relationships.

Businesses can be one of the more complicated issues in a divorce. If you have a closely held business interest, you want to have a prenup that says whether the business is separate or marital property, and what happens when it comes to valuing and dividing that asset in the case of divorce.

There is a common misconception that people with significant trusts don’t need a prenup. However, they still do because every state law is different, and laws change. If you don’t have a prenup and you move to a state like Connecticut, Massachusetts, or Colorado during your marriage, your trust or separate property in your name could be vulnerable. A prenup eliminates any worries about where you move and the unintended consequences that could bring.

Even if you stay in New York, the appreciation on trust is potentially vulnerable. In New York, for example, if one party actively manages assets held in trust, the law is unclear, and the appreciation could be considered marital property.

Going back to the point of protection for the other party, it’s important that somebody doesn't enter the marriage feeling vulnerable. Let's say all those rules apply: You never leave your state and never actively managed the trust, so it will stay separate property – this could lead to an outcome where your spouse has nothing and feels vulnerable. That is another reason why a prenup is important for people with trusts or money in their own names – to also give protection to the less-monied spouse.

The final category of people who need prenups is people with second marriages and with children from a prior relationship. A big concern in that situation is if in the absence of a prenup that waives the state rights, the new spouse would have a right to a third of the survivor’s estate, and that might not be the desired outcome. People often want to make sure their estate is going to their children and not to their new spouse.

Are there any cons to having a prenup?

I can't think of anything major. Sometimes the other side can be so unreasonable that you end up having to give up too much to get the document signed, and you might be better off taking your chance without a prenup. It depends on the situation, but if somebody is unreasonable, then it's sometimes easier to draft a memo outlining exactly what to do in the absence of a prenup. It’s not ideal, but it's better than promising money you don't have.

What should someone expect when agreeing to a prenup?

I try to have prenups that you’re not thinking about during the marriage on a regular basis. No one wants to be thinking about it constantly, and if it is too complicated, they’ll probably just ignore it – and then that's a problem if they get divorced. You want something that gives people flexibility and that doesn’t micromanage them.

In most prenups, though, when major things happen, you do need to be thoughtful. For example, if you’re buying a home, how are you titling that home? Where's the money coming from? If you're getting separate property credits in the home , you need to make sure to save the records and documentation. If you receive an inheritance, you need to be thoughtful about where it goes – are you comingling it with your earnings?

Prenups can be revisited, but you shouldn’t rely on that. It’s rare, but it’s most common when ultra-high-net-worth individuals have a family office that is always tweaking things.

Prenups don’t solve all the problems, but it makes you aware of them. If you’re a woman and thinking of leaving the workforce, you should not have your head in the sand if your prenup has specifications around this.

It's a middle ground: You're not thinking about it on a daily basis, but you're also not pretending it doesn't exist, because that's not realistic or smart.

Alyssa, thank you for your time and insights.